Feline Defender Gifts

'Telling him he was going to be declawed was a bad idea. He decided to go out with a bang.'

"God gave me nine lives and with John Browning's help I'm going to keep it that way."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

Police Feline Unit

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

'Do you have any catsup?'

"You were right: I don't like water, but I do love snow!"

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

'Wow, talk about shedding!'

Ricky discovers only cartoon cats can fly.

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

No Soliciting

"As you can hear, it has an engine that purrs ... '

Fluffy explains her string theory.

'Simply put, we are on our ninth life!'

"Well, it's disappointing: Young Master seems to use the term 'best friend' for anybody who pays him the slightest attention..."

"Stock options won't do it. I'll also need a ball of yarn."

Cat mistakes bars for toilets.

"Dear Diary: Today I ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped ... HAIRBALL!!"

'It was part way through the initial investigation that detective Walters felt as if he was being watched, but there was no one in the room. No one that is except the cat, who sat contently on the chair and watched him with an almost human repose.'

'I just love that little fluffy grey kitten!'

Woman pins up a Lost Cat poster on a telegraph pole, but the cat is hiding from her behind the pole.

'I tried to organize a stampede, but everybody has their own agenda.'

"Get your polka-dot butt out of my leaves!"

"So, you want your owners to write you off and treat you more like their kid?"

A Change of Scene.

'I said: Leave my son alone!'

Meowlzebub

"Alright, alright! I'll stop buying the cheap stuff, OK?"

'I'm making you our receiving manager. Now, go fetch!'

'HEEL!...HEEL!'