Fearless Gifter Pillows

'So there I was, alone in the aisle, heart pounding, without a bloody clue as to what wine I should bring our hosts.'

"From the gentleman at the end of the barre."

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

"A cactus! Darling, you're such a romantic..."

How the gift registry should really work

"For what he is about to receive may the dog be truly thankful."

Bagel problems.

"Sayyy - you've had some work done!"

"You don't think rum-filled centers would give his officers the wrong impression?"

"Ambitions... to finish on the winning side for a change."

'...I also do some work for the tax department.'

That's what I hate about sole proprietorship. On Boss's Day, nobody gives me a gift.

"Gold ... Frankincense ... Myrrh ... why wouldn't wise men bring diapers?"

In Tray Out Tray Suspicious Tray

"Christmas is almost here! Remember, it's the greatest happiness to give. And I want all of you to be very happy this year."

Stuffed.

"I'm not sure. Maybe it's my wife's butt size I'm thinking of!"

Make Your Own

'Re-gifting has become socially acceptable, dear, but re-carding is going a little too far.'

'Gee, thanks pal."

Christmas postie!

"How much of a gratuity does Santa usually get?"

"It's my Dad's Birthday. Could you gift wrap it?"

A panhandler with a sign that reads "If not me, who? If not now, when?"

While Santa's Hybrid Sled has made environmentalists and animal rights activists happy, there isn't much room left for toys.

The Tramp of Human Rights

"Good Grief! He thinks he is Santa Claus!"

"I took the liberty of buying myself a Father's Day gift."

"Don't worry - the dog's out at the moment."

Two Christmas Stockings - One for Presents, One for Receipts

"You know very well what subscription forms."

'George, come back down before you lose your nerve.'

santa claus megaphone.

"No single, childless adult with very little family and only one friend can possibly get that many Christmas gifts."