Fear Analyzer Gifts

'According to a recent issue of 'psychology today', all your fears are well founded.'

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

"Yes, I am interested in taking a fresh look at my holdings."

Yesterday I had an argument with the janitor of my building, and then last night I dreamed that he was chasing me with a large ball-peen hammer

"She's really nice and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so here we are."

"Unfortunately, at this age I express glee and stark raving terror in the exact same way."

'Of course I'm depressed. I've run out of places to pierce.'

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

"Pencil eraser."

Confirmation Bias

"I need to relax? Oh, you'd love that, wouldn't you?"

"Last week, when I was telling you about my Lou Ferrigno dream, were you fighting off a yawn? Do you go to therapy? What would you do if I touched your ear? Yes or no—am I insane?"

'I'm not mad! I'm fuming!'

Jealousy

"And what do you think will happen if you do get on the couch?"

"I think I've found the trouble, Mr. Nadler!"

Road Guilt

"Of course, you understand you can't possibly stay here tonight."

"Don't feel bad. Shallow people make my job easy."

Closed system: Worry-powered TV set.

Emojis for psychos.

'I think I may be an adrenaline junkie.'

Protests

'Tell me more about your premonition of impending dom, Mr Syms...'

"He isn't afraid of everything, yet, but we're getting close."

Everyone knows the naked truth about me phobia.

'Yes - He's armed.'

"I'm very slow to anger, but then I'm very slow to do everything."

'He was a very claustrophobic person.'

'The sad thing is, Jonah's so afraid of the water now, he won't even take a bath.'

'It seems that he was too optimistic. His glass of water wasn't half full. Obviously, it was completely empty.'

"Next! Is your home killing you? Details...after the break!"

'We're looking for someone who has enormous confidence during the day and who wakes up worried sick at night.'