Modern Anxiety Analyzer Gifts

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

"But what if this is all there is?"

Yesterday I had an argument with the janitor of my building, and then last night I dreamed that he was chasing me with a large ball-peen hammer

"She's really nice and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so here we are."

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

"Perhaps there is such a thing as being too well-informed."

Free-Floating Anxiety

"Returning to standard time is always difficult. I gain an hour of worrying."

'Of course I'm depressed. I've run out of places to pierce.'

Hypochondria Hospital

"I'm guessing you're a germaphobe?"

"Oh no, not another pandemic!"

"You call that worrying?"

"So, Ms. Medusa. Let's talk about this fear of snakes you mentioned. Do you notice that it causes anxiety?"

'I can remember when paranoia was unusual.'

"If I go to the party alone, will I be able to leave when I want? But then, there's always the possibility that I will get stuck talking to someone. I can't shake the problem is me. What if no one else likes me? I'm the only one being critical... The issue is I'm not enough and it's really so huge." "The over thinker"

"I feel we're making progress."

"Sad really. He's scared of heights."

"My main worry is my anxiety."

"I'm doing better. The voices in my head can now access my email."

"One day, son, all this anxiety will be yours."

"I feel we're almost down to bedrock, Mr. Bonwell."

Conserve water! NO compulsive hand washing

"Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do."

"Then there was the dream where I woke up in a pool of melted butter."

"I'm sensing that un underlying cause of your anxiety is climate change."

"I need to relax? Oh, you'd love that, wouldn't you?"

"Last week, when I was telling you about my Lou Ferrigno dream, were you fighting off a yawn? Do you go to therapy? What would you do if I touched your ear? Yes or no—am I insane?"

'I'm not mad! I'm fuming!'

Parental Anxiety

"I think I've found the trouble, Mr. Nadler!"

"...I need some closure. Can we go ahead and spin the Wheel Of Blame?"

From the tournament of neuroses parade

"No, I don't want a glass of water, but I'm worried that I might want one."