Anxiety Assessor Gifts

Parental Anxiety

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"Ever get the feeling you're being watched?"

"But what if this is all there is?"

"You dropped yer wallet."

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

"Perhaps there is such a thing as being too well-informed."

Free-Floating Anxiety

Ed totally blows the final portion of his Chameleon Aptitude test.

"Returning to standard time is always difficult. I gain an hour of worrying."

"Hell: The Airport"

'Of course I'm depressed. I've run out of places to pierce.'

"I'm guessing you're a germaphobe?"

"Pencil eraser."

Hypochondria Hospital

"Oh no, not another pandemic!"

"Hypochondriac's handbook. A little passion project I'm working on;, or, rather, I would be working on."

"You call that worrying?"

"If I go to the party alone, will I be able to leave when I want? But then, there's always the possibility that I will get stuck talking to someone. I can't shake the problem is me. What if no one else likes me? I'm the only one being critical... The issue is I'm not enough and it's really so huge." "The over thinker"

"So, Ms. Medusa. Let's talk about this fear of snakes you mentioned. Do you notice that it causes anxiety?"

'I can remember when paranoia was unusual.'

"Sad really. He's scared of heights."

Conserve water! NO compulsive hand washing

"I feel we're almost down to bedrock, Mr. Bonwell."

"I'm sensing that un underlying cause of your anxiety is climate change."

"Last week, when I was telling you about my Lou Ferrigno dream, were you fighting off a yawn? Do you go to therapy? What would you do if I touched your ear? Yes or no—am I insane?"

"One day, son, all this anxiety will be yours."

"I'm doing better. The voices in my head can now access my email."

"Then there was the dream where I woke up in a pool of melted butter."

"My main worry is my anxiety."

"I think I've found the trouble, Mr. Nadler!"

"...I need some closure. Can we go ahead and spin the Wheel Of Blame?"

If I'm a hypochondriac, what does that make YOU?

'You're a hypochondriac.' 'Yes, Doctor, but am I a healthy hypochondriac, or a sick hypochondriac?'