Faux Doctor Gifts

"I'm afraid you have a condition called 'googly-eyes'."

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

'Will you raise my allowance? I want to play doctor but can't afford the malpractice insurance.'

Little Doctor meets Little Geneticists.

'Off hand I'd say she needs re-stuffing.'

'This is your spinal column...It's a bunch of bones that runs up and down your back and keeps your legs from going all the way up to your neck.'

'Stop purring I can't hear your heart beat.'

"You want a generic or a regular sugar pill?"

'All of our Little Doctor medical kits are on sale. Since the Healthcare bill passed, sales of the kits have been poor.'

Need a vitaminlike pill, but don't want to risk the side effects? Then try the world's first multivitamin placebo! They don't do any good, but they don't do any harm either.

"Let's play make-believe. I'll diagnose you with a life-threatening illness, then cure you with a wonder-drug that turns out to be a placebo."

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

'Don't bite it. I have to check Daddy next.'

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

'We're playing Doctor - he's the caddy.'

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

'Dr. Federson has performed this procedure so many times, he could do it blindfolded with one hand tied behind his back. Show him, doctor.'

'Maggots.' - playing doctor

"Take a pill in the morning, in the afternoon and at night."

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

Kid to sister: 'I never play doctor anymore. There's too much paperwork.'

'No, you don't have hemorrhoids. You have a case of himorrhoids, has your husband been a pain in the butt, lately?'

Disorderlies

Quick! 5-second rule!

'I'm giving you a referral to Bobby Smith down the street.'

"Bobby Linderman - now, there's a doctor."

"So Dr. Gracie...how are your patients today?"

"Do you want to speak to the man in charge or the nurse who knows what's going on?"

"I've just performed a tonsillectomy on Daddy while he was asleep."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

'Did you find someone to practice your first aid on, dear?'

Patient to Doctor: 'This may hurt a little.'

"...and how about you, Wellington? Does this smell funny to you?"

Boy playing doctors puts his sick dog to bed.