Fake Medicine Fanatic Gifts

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New Age Store.

"I'm afraid you have a condition called 'googly-eyes'."

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

'Interesting presentation Bradley, except you were supposed to be discussing the nature of the DOW.'

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

"What I'm prescribing is so cutting edge, even I can't pronounce it."

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

"I'm sensing a nostalgia for when your mother rubbed butter on them."

'Like I said - It's non invasive surgery.'

We at pharmacorp are 100% behind the benefits of spiritual and artistic therapies which is why we've developed 'megazymol' to enhance the experience!

"You know it's the American drug companies that give you the headache that is cured by the pills they sell you."

"The transformation is pretty bad, but the worst part is filling out the paperwork for the adverse events."

Calm down...this is for your own good.

"It might be time to put you on a stronger anti-inflammatory."

Acupuncture - "So two hundred needles stuck into my fags will help me quit smoking, will it?"

"Let me know if that level of medication is effective. And if we need to, we can give some to the student as well."

"It's supposed to be some kind of aphrodisiac, but it hasn't done jack for me."

"Do a double-blind test. Give the new drug to rich patients and a placebo to the poor. No sense getting their hopes up. They couldn't afford it even if it works."

'What can you give me for my liver?' 'A pound of onions!'

'Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!'

An unlicensed acupuncturist

"They’re burying him with his Xanax."

'Sorry, Professor, that's not the kind of specimen the doctor wants.'

'KEEPING UP in practice simply means knowing which drug the FDA has withdrawn.'

"Yes, healthcare costs too much in the U.S., but overmedicating patients is expensive."

New Age Anatomy...

"The Pain may be due to your Yin and Yang being out of alignment, but humour me and lets see if your broken let is part of the problem."

"Try to find something that works like aspirin but costs much more."

"Publicly, we're still saying there are no side effects."

'Can you keep a secret? This particular remedy is illegal in 49 states.'

"Personally, I never take anything but aspirin."