Pharmaceutical Satire Fan Gifts

"They’re burying him with his Xanax."

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Lactose Intolerant

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

"That new drug causes flatulence."

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

'Let me get this straight- you went to a GUY-ne-cologist, to discuss MEN-o-pause?'

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"Our psychopharmacologist is a genius."

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

"The colonoscopy isn't your eternal punishment...the prep is."

"Your veins are too narrow. Let me get our in-house specialist to help."

'You've got dry scalp.'

"What I'm prescribing is so cutting edge, even I can't pronounce it."

"I think you're suffering from nostalgia, Mr. Prentice."

'Sure we're underfunded, but we manage!'

'The NHS is committed to patients having control over their care...So if you'd like to check your symptoms online I'll be back later for a diagnosis and careplan.'

"I'll have someone come in and prep you for the bill."

'You have bullseye rash. take this medicine twice a day and stay away from dart games.'

'Like I said - It's non invasive surgery.'

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

'You need some stress.'

'And now for the anesthesia: I've got plenty of conventional anesthetics I could use here but you can also choose to spend half an hour on the phone with my mother...'

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

Scrip Doctor

'Caution - congealed opening ahead.'

"It's a simple procedure. You'll be fine – as long as no one gets sloppy."

"Your bedside health care book ... thanks for not reading it."

"Pay attention, 'switch it off switch it on again' does not apply to the life support machines."

"I've heard that your medication can grow extra nipples, but I wouldn't worry about that if I were you..."

Annexe 8

'Virus?' - 'Yes, it's a Latin word we doctors use, meaning I haven't got a clue..'