Pharmaceutical Satirist Gifts

'This placebo now available in generic. . .'

'Possible side effects: dizzyness, mood swings, lack of breath, suicidal thoughts, insomnia, scurvy, hair loss and impotence. Benefits: may clear up that rash behind your ear.'

"Actually, a side effect like this is fairly common with that prescription!"

Leo and Florence Wolfe play medication commercial BINGO during the nightly news.

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"How much are your 'irrational exuberance' pills?"

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Providing Healthcare For All

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Virtual Doctor

"That new drug causes flatulence."

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

'As you know, medical costs have skyrocketed -- that'll be fifty cents.'

'There is a drug for Hypochondria... but the side-effects may actually make you sick!'

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

"According to your brain scan, you just don't want to go back to work."

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

'Take one of these three times a day until you start to feel better.'

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'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'