Fatherhood Milestone Gifts

Bottle Time

'Maybe he's getting too heavy for this thing?'

"It's different when they're your own."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

"This is a great spot to practice mighty roars son..."

Batman at the Maternity Ward

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

L'il Buckaroo on Board.

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

'I know one of my shoulders is lower than the other. It's because my father's guiding hand is always on that shoulder.'

"WHich one is mine?"

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

'What has twelve legs and barks?'

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

Toy Shops and Educated Children

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

A baby playing on a grand piano

Growth Charts

'You never met my father? Never mind, I'm turning into him!'

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'

"That's mine!"

"I miss the Augean stables."

My daddy ate my homework

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

"Please doctor, hit him again. I need to get that ring-tone."