Fatherhood Milestone Pillows

Bottle Time

'Maybe he's getting too heavy for this thing?'

"It's different when they're your own."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"This is a great spot to practice mighty roars son..."

Batman at the Maternity Ward

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

'What has twelve legs and barks?'

L'il Buckaroo on Board.

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

'I know one of my shoulders is lower than the other. It's because my father's guiding hand is always on that shoulder.'

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

Toy Shops and Educated Children

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

"That's mine!"

Growth Charts

'You never met my father? Never mind, I'm turning into him!'

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

A baby playing on a grand piano

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'

"I miss the Augean stables."

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

'It's only 6 AM, but I want to send the kids to Wally's house before his mother sends him over here.'

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

My daddy ate my homework

"Please doctor, hit him again. I need to get that ring-tone."

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"