Motherhood Milestone Pillows

"At least when it comes to Mother of the Year - you're a shoe-in."

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

When a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"When did she start crawling?"

'At lone at last.'

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'

'She posted her first blog today.'

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

'You mustn't blame yourself for everything that goes wrong, Dear. It makes me feel redundant.'

A family trying to make a child smile for a photo

"I'm so good at this!"

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

'Son, the world is ripe for the taking ... you better stay home with me.'

First Steps

'How can I get my baby to sleep?'

Early childhood development

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

"Car accident? No, I volunteered to hold the rope for the pinata at my son's birthday party!"

Vampire baby in 'Grav-co' stroller.

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

"Wait! I don't want to be disease resistant!"

Parent Involvement Tip #1

Doctor has the taste for patients urine samples.

'I'm being punished. Nothing even remotely electronic for two weeks.'

"I've never, ever taken you for granted, Ingrid."

Dominant hand reveal party