Motherhood Milestone Pillows

"At least when it comes to Mother of the Year - you're a shoe-in."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

When a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"When did she start crawling?"

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

'At lone at last.'

'She posted her first blog today.'

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'

'You mustn't blame yourself for everything that goes wrong, Dear. It makes me feel redundant.'

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

"I'm so good at this!"

A family trying to make a child smile for a photo

'Son, the world is ripe for the taking ... you better stay home with me.'

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

"Car accident? No, I volunteered to hold the rope for the pinata at my son's birthday party!"

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

"Wait! I don't want to be disease resistant!"

First Steps

Vampire baby in 'Grav-co' stroller.

'How can I get my baby to sleep?'

Early childhood development

Parent Involvement Tip #1

Biological Alarm Clock.

"No, I don't believe youth is wasted on the young. I believe money is."

Doctor has the taste for patients urine samples.

'I'm being punished. Nothing even remotely electronic for two weeks.'