Family Milestone Gifts

Jewish Hall of Nachas

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

"Sign my yearbook?"

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

Toy Shops and Educated Children

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

Mother's Love

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

'Son, the world is ripe for the taking ... you better stay home with me.'

"Car accident? No, I volunteered to hold the rope for the pinata at my son's birthday party!"

Vampire baby in 'Grav-co' stroller.

"Wait! I don't want to be disease resistant!"

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

'How can I get my baby to sleep?'

First Steps

Parent Involvement Tip #1

'I'm being punished. Nothing even remotely electronic for two weeks.'

Eagle parenting.

A very fine vintage

Sparkler

"Charles, look! He’s sending his first text!"

"No, I don't believe youth is wasted on the young. I believe money is."

"Yes, I'm sure some child in Brussels won't starve if you eat his sprouts."

'Who said you could come out of your room?'

'Oh Darling, I'm so proud! I wish I could give you a big hug!'

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

'Sending someone to his room was a punishment when I was a kid.'