Fatherhood Enthusiasts Pillows

"I was thinking of joining a parenting class."

'The child is very illogical'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

'You never met my father? Never mind, I'm turning into him!'

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"I knew we agreed that you could be a stay-at-home dad, but that's when we decide to have children."

"I'm going crazy staring at the same four legs."

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

'Then, after a while, the pitter patter of tiny running shoes.'

Baby gets blame for father letting off a fart.

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

'Not today,son-not on Fathers' Day!'

"Our little girl has blossomed into quite the little complainer."

'Hang on. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Apparently that's not a good idea.'

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

Dad's home

"I can hear some rattling: Better start writing those birth notices Darling..."

Ringtones Kids Can't Hear.

"Can you wangle me some parental leave?"

"Adulits don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAAAH!"

"I'm so tired: Joey was tossing and turning in his sleep the whole night and kept waking me up..."

Baby Shower

The day after Father's Day.

'I'm not giving you a lift. If you want to run away from home, run.'

Father's Day

'Here's your choice. Grounded for a week or a walk around the Mall with me while I wear this.'

"Well ok....but in your case I'll need DNA proof!"

Temptation.

"Dad, if Mom ever has a boyfriend, I hope he's just like you."

'Congratulations, you're a father. Now you'd better get out of here before her husband arrives.'

Fathers Saluting Each Other.

"Actually, he's developing at an absolutely normal rate for his age..!"

'We want to be ready for when he starts to read.'

'A rocking horse? Boy! What will they think of next?!'

"His room is always clean. Do you think we should take him to a psychologist?"