Fast Sipper Gifts

'At that speed, you should put racing stripes on your glass.'

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

"...Stop complaining if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!"

"Try this new IPA I just finished. Let me know if the malts and hops are layered like last week's batch." "Bailey was a really 'good boy'."

Running Latte

"I'm off, I only popped in for a swift three units."

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

A very fine vintage

Liquidity Lunch

'Can you recommend something that will make my date sound interesting.'

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

"Don't you worry JB, everything is fine here."

"And would you like a wine stopper?"

'Beer's more than just a food -- it's a comfort food!'

Can I get you another coffee?

"I'll just have a Diet Coke. I'm in the middle of my novel."

"Sipsies?"

Coffee Overload: 'I'll have a low fat soy latte, no sugar, two biscotti...make that a Columbian-Kenyan bean bend...oh make it snappy, I'm in a hurry!'

"A friendly warning, pal—this is a sports bar."

'I feel totally connected now that I can order liquor and attend meetings on the internet.'

Quick gin. Sloe gin

Men's Parallel Bars

Gin-etic Engineering

"Nope, no need to smell the cork."

"Are you looking for 'drinks and nibbles' beer, 'I don't really drink beer' beer, or good old fashioned 'gidday mate' beer?"

"Generally speaking, when his nose gives way, it means he's had enough."

Scariest Tactics

I say when life hands you a lemon, make lemonade

'It's better to drink a little too much than much too little!'

"Okay, we got one cherry lager, with bitters and a pineapple slice, and one honey malt ale with cinnamon and an orange weist. You want these in steins or parfait glasses?"

"I've never been wild about this bar, but it does get you where you want to go."