Fast Sipper T-Shirts

'At that speed, you should put racing stripes on your glass.'

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

"...Stop complaining if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!"

"Try this new IPA I just finished. Let me know if the malts and hops are layered like last week's batch." "Bailey was a really 'good boy'."

"I'm off, I only popped in for a swift three units."

Running Latte

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

A very fine vintage

Liquidity Lunch

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

'Can you recommend something that will make my date sound interesting.'

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

"Don't you worry JB, everything is fine here."

"And would you like a wine stopper?"

Can I get you another coffee?

'Beer's more than just a food -- it's a comfort food!'

"I'll just have a Diet Coke. I'm in the middle of my novel."

"Sipsies?"

Coffee Overload: 'I'll have a low fat soy latte, no sugar, two biscotti...make that a Columbian-Kenyan bean bend...oh make it snappy, I'm in a hurry!'

"A friendly warning, pal—this is a sports bar."

'I feel totally connected now that I can order liquor and attend meetings on the internet.'

Men's Parallel Bars

Scariest Tactics

"Are you looking for 'drinks and nibbles' beer, 'I don't really drink beer' beer, or good old fashioned 'gidday mate' beer?"

Gin-etic Engineering

"Generally speaking, when his nose gives way, it means he's had enough."

'It's better to drink a little too much than much too little!'

"Okay, we got one cherry lager, with bitters and a pineapple slice, and one honey malt ale with cinnamon and an orange weist. You want these in steins or parfait glasses?"

Quick gin. Sloe gin

"I've never been wild about this bar, but it does get you where you want to go."

"I avoided the flu all winter...but spring fever finally got me."