Speedy Sipper T-Shirts

Coffee Overload: 'I'll have a low fat soy latte, no sugar, two biscotti...make that a Columbian-Kenyan bean bend...oh make it snappy, I'm in a hurry!'

Running Latte

'At that speed, you should put racing stripes on your glass.'

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

"...Stop complaining if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!"

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

A very fine vintage

Liquidity Lunch

'Can you recommend something that will make my date sound interesting.'

Velvety. And so was the wine.

"Eewww! It still makes a lousy cup of coffee!"

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

"Don't you worry JB, everything is fine here."

"And would you like a wine stopper?"

"One man's dirty water is another man's Earl Grey."

"Sipsies?"

"May I say, sir, the staff and I just knew you'd see through that Beaujolais."

'Beer's more than just a food -- it's a comfort food!'

"I'll just have a Diet Coke. I'm in the middle of my novel."

Gin-etic Engineering

"I've never been wild about this bar, but it does get you where you want to go."

Scariest Tactics

Men's Parallel Bars

'Too acidic? On the contrary, I find it well balanced.'

"Generally speaking, when his nose gives way, it means he's had enough."

"Okay, we got one cherry lager, with bitters and a pineapple slice, and one honey malt ale with cinnamon and an orange weist. You want these in steins or parfait glasses?"

'It's better to drink a little too much than much too little!'

"I avoided the flu all winter...but spring fever finally got me."

'Once I get started I drink like a fish.'

"Persistent, well-rounded, and full-bodied, with hints of smoke, and just a soupdon of irregularity."