Fashion Skeptics Gifts

"Someone's been sending me J. Crew catalogues."

'This associate has a first rate mind...and a third rate suit.'

'Perhaps I should rethink this whole Iron Man look!'

Coming Soon! More Stuff You Could Live Without!

"That shirt is so last year."

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

'Fashion Police Incident Area'

'I'm glad to see you finally pulled in sales. Nevertheless, you're fired. Here, we're dealing with socks and shoes, not with suits and shirts.'

"Do these puffy pants make me look less tyrannical?"

Men's Department. I want a tie that says, "I hate ties."

'The kids were rebelling against the new school uniform policy, so we had to make some design changes.'

"Would you have anything a bit...'stupider'?"

"I'm wearing Donna Karan."

"I'm sick and tired of black."

"Yes... you'll be wearing that bridesmaids dress for eternity!"

"What do you consider your most attractive feature and what are you doing about it?"

'At least we don't have to worry about getting those as gifts.'

"Wow, maybe Heidi Klum looks like Gisele Bundchen."

"December 29, 1991: Janet sacrifices months of self esteem therapy for the perfect New Year's Eve dress." "It's called an 'Everest' gown because it would be a monumental task to squeeze that mountain you call an ass into it."

Made It! Without getting one tattoo.

How to recognize a German tourist...

'Isn't it enough to have long hair?'

"Sorry, but it's store policy to remove man buns by any means necessary."

'What's with kids nowadays and tattoos?'

'I see you've dressed to go clubbing.'

'What are they, men or women? I don't know, they're not wearing clothes.'

Dad Socks / Dad Sex

"I'm trying to be myself and you're not helping."

Unnecessary Surgery

You're not going out to seek vengeance dressed like that!

"No no no! Stripes are soooo half-past four!"

'When we said 'One size fits all' we didn't mean all at the same time.'

'The truth is there is no 'Youth Formula' worth millions. This is Mountain Dew.'

How to dress for forty below...if you're over forty, or under twenty.