Farewell Humorist Gifts

Woman on train with megaphone, "Oh Geoffrey I do so hate these long goodbyes!"

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

"You run into a window, too?"

'People have been known to lose an eye when a wink goes seriously wrong.'

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

'Ha! You moron! How did you manage to use all nine of your lives at once?'

"We interrupt C.B.S.'s evening news with a special bulletin from N.B.C.!"

"They should've called me for the sketch instead. She's not even funny. What a complete bomb-ala."

"I'll have whatever they're having."

Special Place in Hell...

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"As always he found a way to duck out of working overtime!"

"Keep your eyes peeled Jenkins - another photocopiers gone missing."

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

Priest gives the last rites to an expired metre.

"Well he was there a minute ago!"

"I think it's important to remember that he isn't gone forever. He's still alive. He just played a character on TV who died."

Fisherman Funneral

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'