Farewell Humorist Pillows

Woman on train with megaphone, "Oh Geoffrey I do so hate these long goodbyes!"

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

"You run into a window, too?"

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

'People have been known to lose an eye when a wink goes seriously wrong.'

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

'Ha! You moron! How did you manage to use all nine of your lives at once?'

"We interrupt C.B.S.'s evening news with a special bulletin from N.B.C.!"

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"As always he found a way to duck out of working overtime!"

"They should've called me for the sketch instead. She's not even funny. What a complete bomb-ala."

"I'll have whatever they're having."

Special Place in Hell...

When scientists come out of retirement.

"Keep your eyes peeled Jenkins - another photocopiers gone missing."

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

"Well he was there a minute ago!"

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

Priest gives the last rites to an expired metre.

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

"Condense this down to a series of memes and we'll take another look at it."

Fisherman Funneral

'Well, not his very last words, just his last words on twitter.'

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

"I think it's important to remember that he isn't gone forever. He's still alive. He just played a character on TV who died."

My mind is like a steel trap, it's just a bit rusty.

I'm retired...I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.

No caption. (Mimes carry an invisible casket from a hearse).