The Humorist Pillows

"Keep your eyes peeled Jenkins - another photocopiers gone missing."

'People have been known to lose an eye when a wink goes seriously wrong.'

"It's the worst identity crisis I've ever seen. He plagiarizes other people's diaries."

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Copycats

Polly txt speak

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

I will study my speling words...

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"You're going to hate yourself."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

"When is my next parole hearing?"

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

Outer Space Outsourcing

Dog Walking Services