Title Humorist Pillows

"I don't like being called an Optometrist. I prefer the title 'Visionary'!"

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Copycats

Polly txt speak

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

I will study my speling words...

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

"When is my next parole hearing?"

Dog Walking Services

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

Outer Space Outsourcing

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"But everyone is befuddled by math."