Headline Humorist Pillows

Due to doom and gloom throughout the world, a laugh track will be added to tonight's newscast.

Nudist reads newspaper headline: Clothed rambler strikes again.

Man Reading story 'U.F.O. Sighted' with alien peeking over his shoulder.

Tabloid clippings.

'I always said those implants were dangerous.'

"Do journalists know... not everybody enjoys a pun?"

Medical Marijuana: Take a toke before watching the news.

Local Man Freezes to Death Selling Newspapers

"A man threatens to destroy town with army of turtles after dispute with city hall. Local authorities initiate a shell-ter in place in preparation for the noc-turtle invasion."

"Wait a minute, that's fake news right?"

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Copycats

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

I will study my speling words...

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

Dog Walking Services

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

"Even the waiters here are organic."