Fantasy Candidate Gifts

"Aw, so cute - scooter's running in his sleep again."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"I don't like your application."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"And, if elected, I promise to put more black people in cartoons."

'You may have three mergers.'

Running for Congress

Bureaucratic Position Interview

"Trust me, Son, you do not want to 'grow up to be president.' "

"The average citizen doesn't have a clue - or why would we keep getting re-elected?"

Updated Proverbs. We come into the world with nothing. And leave deeply in debt!

Leonard Nimoy

'There! I'm a sucker for realpolitik!'

Sarah Palin Fact #2783, Sarah Palin makes her own diamond earrings by squeezing coal.

'She'll be back!!!'

'I still love you, Harold, but I'm moving to another state and running for the Senate.'

Collapse of 'Corner Men'

"Someday, I'm gonna be president of the United States."

"Ever since he saw the new budget he's been obsessing over the numbers."

'Our super PAC will finance candidates who specifically run against super PACs.'

'We need someone to walk the plants.'

The Raid

"I'm sorry but I only employ elves..."

Drinks cabinet meeting

'With the deficit and spending bills constantly threatening to close it...the sign shows the current status of Congress.'

Thanks to my wife for her unstinting Support

'History is made - a major party chooses an African-American presidential candidate!'

'Abortion is such an ugly word -- think of it as 'birth annulment.''

'Instead of being just like Michael Jordan, I wanna be just like Barack.'

Vote for Scnible: 'Of course I'm depressed. All the good campaign promises have already been made!'

"I taught him to shake hands, and now he's running for congress!"

'Abortion is such an ugly word -- think of it as 'birth annulment.''

Hungry for Change

"If elected, I'll institute an AMAZING CRASH PROGRAM that in JUST 24 HOURS will trim ugly fat and waste from government and literally turn it into SUPER SERVICES for you the AMERICAN PEOPLE by utilizing a NATURAL MECHANISM so powerful that when unleashed

Trump visits a therapist in the lead-up to the election.