Candidate Gifts

"I don't like your application."

VOTE!, 'I'm a fiscal conservative and a social liberal!'

Bureaucratic Position Interview

"Candidates in political campaigns...yawn! Apparently never heard of the golden proverbial saying, 'Silence is golden'."

"For the right job, I'm happy to relocate anywhere."

We Tenatively Oppose War on Strictly Procedural Grounds

Vehicles are having their own election. These are the candidates. The ambulance appeals to voters who think health care is most important. Voters focusing on education issues favor the school bus. And those wanting family-friendly policies are backing the minivan. The tractor is an expert on agricultural issues, and the import is a free trade advocate. Those voters concerned about environmental issues like the electric hybrid, and those wanting a strong military support the Jeep. What's t

"Away with the warmonger!"

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

'We're asking what america can do without to reduce the deficit...no, ma'ma! the Gop and Dems are not options!'

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

'My plan for the mid east has approval of both Houses of Congress, Oprah, Larry King, Lettermen and Leno.'

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

"So what makes you think you're the man for the job?"

"I'm going to send you to someone who's more familiar with the law of the jungle."

'Stocks dropped on the news that governments can fool some people come of the time,but not all the people all of the time.'

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

Vote Progressive: 'It's not the rich, it's people trying to get rich who create new jobs!'

'I don't know -- maybe an evil robot from the future IS the kind of President we need.'

'Now let me explain our retirement plan.'

"You would be perfect if you weren't you!"

"I take it this is your first interview since the start of lockdown?"

Trump Mask

'Henry was an undecided voter four years ago when he entered that voting booth, and I'm still waiting for him to decide and come home.'

'Vicious, intelligent and ruthless? Certainly. But I think my biggest asset is that I'm a survivor!'

'I'm sorry, but you have a very impressive resume, and at this company, we find competence threatening.'

"And, if elected, I promise to put more black people in cartoons."

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."