Candidate Gifts

"I don't like your application."

VOTE!, 'I'm a fiscal conservative and a social liberal!'

Bureaucratic Position Interview

"Candidates in political campaigns...yawn! Apparently never heard of the golden proverbial saying, 'Silence is golden'."

"For the right job, I'm happy to relocate anywhere."

"Away with the warmonger!"

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

'We're asking what america can do without to reduce the deficit...no, ma'ma! the Gop and Dems are not options!'

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

'My plan for the mid east has approval of both Houses of Congress, Oprah, Larry King, Lettermen and Leno.'

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

"I'm going to send you to someone who's more familiar with the law of the jungle."

"So what makes you think you're the man for the job?"

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

'Stocks dropped on the news that governments can fool some people come of the time,but not all the people all of the time.'

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"You would be perfect if you weren't you!"

"I take it this is your first interview since the start of lockdown?"

'I don't know -- maybe an evil robot from the future IS the kind of President we need.'

'Henry was an undecided voter four years ago when he entered that voting booth, and I'm still waiting for him to decide and come home.'

'Now let me explain our retirement plan.'

Trump Mask

Vote Progressive: 'It's not the rich, it's people trying to get rich who create new jobs!'

'Vicious, intelligent and ruthless? Certainly. But I think my biggest asset is that I'm a survivor!'

'I'm sorry, but you have a very impressive resume, and at this company, we find competence threatening.'

"And, if elected, I promise to put more black people in cartoons."

"And just how long have you been, 5' 10"?"

"I have had three work-related heart attacks, witch shows you that I care about my job."

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'