Election Candidate Gifts

Political Selfie

Shotgun Wedding.

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

Political convention

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

"I don't like your application."

Elections

'Why does my opponent keep lying about me?', 'Because truth is stranger than fiction?'

'With these video-phones, there's just too much documentation on all my promises.'

'The only cuts we can all agree with are their cutting remarks!'

Palin 2012

'Mark my words! Our enemies will test this young guy with a huge international crisis as soon as he's electe! But don't worry, he'll be fine!', 'Come here, Joe -- let me give you a nice fist bump!'

With no clear winner, the debate ended in a tie breaker.

An American flag being hung by Trump's tie

Jerry Brown.

'It's the consistently defininative obscure obviation coupled with absolute commitment to incomprehensible policy objectives that I find appealing.

"And, if elected, I promise to put more black people in cartoons."

"After the election everything will be perfect and I will be able to fly."

'Sure, but think what a crook I'd be without hypocrisy!'

Hillary Clinton and American politics.

Running for Congress

'Why should I vote for a two-bit lame-brained nobody, when i could vote for a two-bit lamb-brained somebody with 'name recognition'?'

"Sure, he has artificial intelligence, but it's his artificial empathy that won me over."

'If elected, I promise to my darndest to keep money in politics.'

I've decided to run for office so I can spend more time away from my family.

Pollster

"We're on track for net zero."

Political Debate, 'I'd like a word with the debate chairman.'

Fahrenheit 911.

"He sounds authentic. That gets my vote."

Run-off

'I'm going to be honest about this -- I'm from the Government, and I'm here to bamboozle you.'

"The poll results are in. Our lies are resonating with the public way more than our opponent's lies."

"Hello there...! I'm your hardworking GOP Congressional Representative. I'm running for re-election and I would appreciate your support..."

Bureaucratic Position Interview