Election Campaigner Gifts

Jerry Brown.

'Any Questions?. . . Anyone else?'

'I don't see my candidate. I call him ‘Lesser of Two Evils.' '

Labour Smears

Election Race.

"I'm thinking of running for class president. Do you think I could get the Russians to help?"

"And on a score between 1 and 10 how much would you like me to shove this polling questionnaire up my arse?"

"Good boy."

"My political platform focuses on more ice cream and more frisbee chasing, with less chores and fewer baths."

'If only every year was an election year.'

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

Political convention

'Ah, it's so precious to witness a child learn how government actually works...'

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

Save the unicorn.

Unfettered Corporate Campaigning.

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

GOP exaggerating scale of immigration, inflation and crime rates

I want to be a politician when I grow up...

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

'For five years you can't get a single politician to take any notice of you...and then half a dozen turn up at once!'

LAST-MINUTE CAMPAIGN STOP

An American flag being hung by Trump's tie

Palin 2012

"Killer performance, but let's get back to the dog and pony show."

'Henry was an undecided voter four years ago when he entered that voting booth, and I'm still waiting for him to decide and come home.'

'Psst! Wanna Buy A Democracy?'

"Do you take dark money?"

Distraction.

Freedom of Speech

"Sure, he has artificial intelligence, but it's his artificial empathy that won me over."

"Our rule of thumb is: 'Keep it complicated' - so no one will understand how we choose a candidate."

Dark money donor

'Vote for me because my Super PAC raised lots more money than my opponent's Super PAC.'

'Vote for me. I'm ready, and willing. Two out of three isn't bad.'