Contestant Gifts

'Why would I want an ocean-going yacht when I've got a rocking chair in my front porch?'

"George, a photoshop user from London, is that your finalfinalfinalfinal answer?"

"I don't like your application."

'I'll never let my love of fishing come between us.'

"And, if elected, I promise to put more black people in cartoons."

'The employee who guesses closest to the correct number of beans in this jar will be awarded this year's annual pay increase! -Management, ATOZ Accountants

Running for Congress

"The average citizen doesn't have a clue - or why would we keep getting re-elected?"

Bureaucratic Position Interview

'Wow! no doubt about it son!...You'll grow up to be President of the United States!'

It's on. My new favorite game show! Welcome to: Garbage, recycling or compost?! Dana from New York you can walk away with $10,000 or try to double the green! Double, please. Okay, Dana, here's your object: A takeout container from a local restaurant. Garbage, recycling or compost? Geez. I'm guessing it would depend on whether it's got some cardboard or it's fully biodegradable. Final answer? Recycling. Wrong. Garbage! I knew it. Ridicule her! You've lost your green, loser! I'm sorry. I try so ha

The Ox Factor

Political Selfie

I don't need to know any math --- I'm going to be a politician.

"Why are you studying? Go outside and practice shooting three pointers, so you can ear big bucks like Steph Curry."

'Our super PAC will finance candidates who specifically run against super PACs.'

'We need someone to walk the plants.'

Drinks cabinet meeting

'With the deficit and spending bills constantly threatening to close it...the sign shows the current status of Congress.'

'I'm thinking about running for president. Not this term but as soon as I'm allowed to cross the street by myself.'

"I'll just mow the lawn then I'll put myself forward to lead the Conservatives."

Lawyers Playing Tennis

"When I grow up, I'm going to be a business owner, or president, or the doctor who discovers the cure for cancer!"

Thanks to my wife for her unstinting Support

"If elected, I'll institute an AMAZING CRASH PROGRAM that in JUST 24 HOURS will trim ugly fat and waste from government and literally turn it into SUPER SERVICES for you the AMERICAN PEOPLE by utilizing a NATURAL MECHANISM so powerful that when unleashed

Vote for Scnible: 'Of course I'm depressed. All the good campaign promises have already been made!'

'Abortion is such an ugly word -- think of it as 'birth annulment.''

"I taught him to shake hands, and now he's running for congress!"

'Abortion is such an ugly word -- think of it as 'birth annulment.''

Trump visits a therapist in the lead-up to the election.

"I rise to take exception to my dear friend from across the aisle, the junior prick from the great state of denial."

"And now I'll open up the floor to softballs."

'Of course I've been considering your proposal - You're on the short list '.

'I can get you a good deal on sacrificial lambs...'

"The poor guy believes in the existence of honest and unselfish politicians!"