Contest Participant Gifts

"Congratulations! Your essay on isolation and despair has won our desert-island-getaway competition."

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

The First Annual Game Show Week.

'Henderson always walks away with the neighborhood pumpkin carving contest.'

'The employee who guesses closest to the correct number of beans in this jar will be awarded this year's annual pay increase! -Management, ATOZ Accountants

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

'Rhea of the Year.'

Elf of the Month

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

'The contest brought in only twenty two wrappers...'

Circus Pageant

'We did it, Dad! We won the heaviest frog award!'

'Why would I want an ocean-going yacht when I've got a rocking chair in my front porch?'

'No, thanks. I'm fine.'

Tortoise & Hare.

Man reading letter, 'You may already be a winner' about to step on rake.

Contest time. Mort and Sadie, our ornery octogenarians, have decided to rename Rudy's generation. Mort favors Generation I - for impatient. Sadie prefers Generation V - for virtual. Or vapid! What do you think? Please send your own ideas to asksadieshow@gmail.com. C'mon people, get thinkin'!

I must say, that's the most pathetic bar promotion I've ever seen. Tuesdays! Wet Socks Contest!

'Ah, a stepping stone to success.'

"I'm afraid 'b*****d if I know' just won't do..."

No soliciting - unless you're one of those sweepstakes

'I'm doing a 'Win a Date with a Computer Geek' contest on my website.'

Oh, that's embarrassing. 23. Dog Run.

'We've won a free trip to the mountains.'

'You're excited about winning a traveling toothbrush kit in a sweepstakes after spending $300 on postage and entering 1,500 contests?'

"I have to live with this. My owners are very serious dog lovers."

'You are the unwisest man...goodbye.'

"I'd love to chat, Al, but I've got to hit the road."

'1000 pies to eat before you die.'

Angel Wins Publisher's Clearing House

Redneck Wet T-shirt Contest

Rudy, you wanna know possible names for your generation? Huh? The L-Generation for loser, the C-generation for clueless or connected, J for jerk or W for whiners. These readers suggestions all have something in common. None of them won the contest to name Rudy's generation. Not that we're taunting the non-winners. C'mon, taunt the losers!! Winner to be named any day now.

Maybe we should do a big check next time. Sweepstak … 5 five.

"George, a photoshop user from London, is that your finalfinalfinalfinal answer?"

These guys are going to have some kind of contest. (Musical note.) Let's see who sings the best. (Question mark.) No. Let's play "Jeopardy." All answers must be in the form of a question. (Exclamation point.) Whatever we do, I'll be the most enthusiastic!! (Ampersand.) Can we form partnerships? (Dollar sign.) Is there any prize money? (Percentage symbol.) What are the chances of winning? (Asterisk.) Winning's not that important. With me here, winning will be marked as not wholly