Contest Participant Pillows

"Congratulations! Your essay on isolation and despair has won our desert-island-getaway competition."

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

The First Annual Game Show Week.

'Henderson always walks away with the neighborhood pumpkin carving contest.'

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

'The employee who guesses closest to the correct number of beans in this jar will be awarded this year's annual pay increase! -Management, ATOZ Accountants

'Rhea of the Year.'

Elf of the Month

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

'Why would I want an ocean-going yacht when I've got a rocking chair in my front porch?'

Circus Pageant

'We did it, Dad! We won the heaviest frog award!'

'The contest brought in only twenty two wrappers...'

'No, thanks. I'm fine.'

Tortoise & Hare.

Man reading letter, 'You may already be a winner' about to step on rake.

'Ah, a stepping stone to success.'

"I'm afraid 'b*****d if I know' just won't do..."

No soliciting - unless you're one of those sweepstakes

'I'm doing a 'Win a Date with a Computer Geek' contest on my website.'

'You're excited about winning a traveling toothbrush kit in a sweepstakes after spending $300 on postage and entering 1,500 contests?'

"I have to live with this. My owners are very serious dog lovers."

'You are the unwisest man...goodbye.'

'We've won a free trip to the mountains.'

"I'd love to chat, Al, but I've got to hit the road."

Angel Wins Publisher's Clearing House

'1000 pies to eat before you die.'

Sorry you are not a winner please try again

"George, a photoshop user from London, is that your finalfinalfinalfinal answer?"