Fantastical Physician Gifts

Vampire sits beneath a sign that says acupuncture

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

Little doctor.

'Off hand I'd say she needs re-stuffing.'

"This will be a tricky operation."

'All of our Little Doctor medical kits are on sale. Since the Healthcare bill passed, sales of the kits have been poor.'

Kids Playing Doctor.

'I don't make house calls. My mom won't let me leave the yard.'

'Well, we're off for our xmas break - I'm sure you can manage without us for a couple of weeks.'

I guess that's one way to get the ER renovated.

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

'Maggots.' - playing doctor

Kid to sister: 'I never play doctor anymore. There's too much paperwork.'

Emma is very happy that the doctor will finally remove the growth on Daddy's nose but she's also a little sad to see it go...

"That's Doctor Good Boy to you."

"So Dr. Gracie...how are your patients today?"

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

'And now the anti-aging pill is in the market - tough luck, my dear!'

'And you all thought I didn't have a hobby.'

"I cancelled my last appointment without phoning the Doctor... so I'm making up for it by showing up without phoning!"

"These NHS types are ALWAYS complaining about SOMETHING!"

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

"It's cooties."

"Hey, I'm just happy the transplant worked at all."

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

'You're not my usual doctor.'

Tipp-kick for brain surgeons.

"It's been my lifelong ambition! For the last two weeks."

"Great news! Scientists have cured many, many diseases!"

'OK, you're all set. That stent in your artery will get you through the second half, but I'll need to open you back up after the game.'

St Berts - Britain's first open mouth surgery in progress.