Fan Of Family Sitcoms Pillows

'We can't move in with my parents - they've moved in with grandma!'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

"I don't know if I can do 'Gilmore Girls' today. I'm not sure I'm feeling up for anything involving witty yet poignant repartee."

Suffering from Cooties?

Dad Trophies

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

'Since we're being so honest, perhaps I should mention that I liked you better as an egg.'

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

"Good work Tim, you snatch it all: none of this sharing with your brother nonsense..."

"Good news. It wasn't a toxic chemical leak. It was an old pizza in your kid's room."

"I'll bet you're very proud of your handsome, well-behaved little sporks here."

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

'Jimmie, run and tell your dad the tractor is flooded.'

'I want you to bring me one.'

"Remember this about new babysitters - making rules and enforcing them are two different things.".

'Honey, the babysitter's here.'

"I'm afraid Dad did not leave us anything of value in his will, but his last wish is for us to continue the feud with the neighbour's cat...

"But Mom, you said it was a pup tent!"

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

"Young man, you go march your butt right back up those stairs and don't come down until you've made yourself look presentable!"

'Here's what she was reading - an articl called 'Parents can be fun'.'

'I take a cold shower every morning... right after my daughters have taken hot ones.'

'When are you going to give up this 9 to 5 nonsense and become a rock star like your brother?'

Spider boy

'Our computer responds to voice commands, but our kids don't.'

"Take it easy, honey. Beneath that terrifying rage is our twelve-year-old daughter. My GOD, when will the wi-fi go back on?!!"

"Friend or foe?"

"My homework? It was super easy today. I drew a dragon and daddy did Math."

"Grandma, I have to bring an antique to school. Can I borrow your flip phone?"

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

"...And to my favorite 'Mr. Down On His Luck' relative, I leave all my spare change."