Family Sitcom Watcher Pillows

"Donald switched off in 1987 and I never bothered to switch him back on."

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

"I don't know if I can do 'Gilmore Girls' today. I'm not sure I'm feeling up for anything involving witty yet poignant repartee."

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

'Since we're being so honest, perhaps I should mention that I liked you better as an egg.'

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

"Remember this about new babysitters - making rules and enforcing them are two different things.".

'We can't move in with my parents - they've moved in with grandma!'

'Honey, the babysitter's here.'

"I'm afraid Dad did not leave us anything of value in his will, but his last wish is for us to continue the feud with the neighbour's cat...

Spider boy

"Take it easy, honey. Beneath that terrifying rage is our twelve-year-old daughter. My GOD, when will the wi-fi go back on?!!"

'When are you going to give up this 9 to 5 nonsense and become a rock star like your brother?'

'Yes, I'm proud to say all my kids went into boot camp as soon as they left home.'

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

"Grandma, I have to bring an antique to school. Can I borrow your flip phone?"

"...And to my favorite 'Mr. Down On His Luck' relative, I leave all my spare change."

"My homework? It was super easy today. I drew a dragon and daddy did Math."

"Friend or foe?"

"Your father dressed you, didn't he?"

'May I have a glass of Perrier with a twist of lemon and a straw?'

'My dad cut it. My mother repaired it. Now, I'm looking for some professional maintainance.'

"Here at this firm, we pride ourselves on the family atmosphere we've created. As such, I'd like to welcome you abroad as my long lost love child, Inga."

"Is it wrong to be evasive and not answer questions?"

Norman Fell

'Excluding our little granddaughter who called me 'orrible old smellypops!'

"Hi, you are through to the bank of Mum and Dad."

"Why are you playing hide-and-seek in the stove!?! Don't shush me! This is my stove!"

'Ralph finally got the remote control to work - his way.'

"I have my very own ATM password."

Zombie & Son

"...That old fool thinks I'm a stick."