Family Sitcom Watcher Gifts

"Donald switched off in 1987 and I never bothered to switch him back on."

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

"I don't know if I can do 'Gilmore Girls' today. I'm not sure I'm feeling up for anything involving witty yet poignant repartee."

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

'Since we're being so honest, perhaps I should mention that I liked you better as an egg.'

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

"Remember this about new babysitters - making rules and enforcing them are two different things.".

'We can't move in with my parents - they've moved in with grandma!'

"I'm afraid Dad did not leave us anything of value in his will, but his last wish is for us to continue the feud with the neighbour's cat...

'Honey, the babysitter's here.'

Spider boy

"Take it easy, honey. Beneath that terrifying rage is our twelve-year-old daughter. My GOD, when will the wi-fi go back on?!!"

'When are you going to give up this 9 to 5 nonsense and become a rock star like your brother?'

"Friend or foe?"

"My homework? It was super easy today. I drew a dragon and daddy did Math."

"...And to my favorite 'Mr. Down On His Luck' relative, I leave all my spare change."

"Grandma, I have to bring an antique to school. Can I borrow your flip phone?"

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

'My dad cut it. My mother repaired it. Now, I'm looking for some professional maintainance.'

"Is it wrong to be evasive and not answer questions?"

'Excluding our little granddaughter who called me 'orrible old smellypops!'

"Why are you playing hide-and-seek in the stove!?! Don't shush me! This is my stove!"

'Ralph finally got the remote control to work - his way.'

Zombie & Son

"...That old fool thinks I'm a stick."

"Hi, you are through to the bank of Mum and Dad."

'Would you like to try our new Family-Style meal deal? While you eat I yell at you to be more like your brother then criticize what you're wearing before saying how much you've disappointed me and your father.'