Fan Of Academic Satire Gifts

The Three Doctors.

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

Beckett for Beginners: "Waiting for Thumbkin"

"Of course I failed you — your essay was original and unique and obviously written by a human."

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

T.S. Eliot lacks the courage to eat a peach.

Bureaucracy gone mad!

In my day, they didn

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

'Upon further review, the pig did not have control of the ball prior to being eaten...'

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

The Modern Damocles -

The Notre Dame Five Year Restoration Plan Swing Into Action.

Chaos Theory Conference.

The Unknown Philosopher, who first realised life is no picnic.

Bachelors and Masters degrees.

'If asked, we should all agree that this seminar never happened.'

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs

'Too many students taking Mickey Mouse subjects.'

"Maybe I will and maybe I won't - You're not prejudiced against transvestites, are you?"

Knights of the Round Whatever

"We'll have to retract that article. On of our co-authors is the night watchman."

"I'm a huge fan of your work."

ENNUI...(smiley face).

"Professor Williams had at first been reluctant to join the Assistant Deans in their Think Great Thoughts aerobics. He later came to enjoy the activity."

Books on running a successful school,

'They've all tested positive for stress.'

"Yeah, but good luck getting it peer-reviewed."

'I didn't exactly write the article, but...well, I didn't exactly do the research either.'

The Milbrook Verney chair in literature. The C.K. Frebish endowment for footnotes.

Thomas Carlyle