Fan Of Academic Satire Gifts

The Three Doctors.

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

Beckett for Beginners: "Waiting for Thumbkin"

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

"Of course I failed you — your essay was original and unique and obviously written by a human."

T.S. Eliot lacks the courage to eat a peach.

Bureaucracy gone mad!

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

'Upon further review, the pig did not have control of the ball prior to being eaten...'

The Modern Damocles -

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

Chaos Theory Conference.

The Unknown Philosopher, who first realised life is no picnic.

Bachelors and Masters degrees.

'If asked, we should all agree that this seminar never happened.'

Knights of the Round Whatever

ENNUI...(smiley face).

"Maybe I will and maybe I won't - You're not prejudiced against transvestites, are you?"

"We'll have to retract that article. On of our co-authors is the night watchman."

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs

"Professor Williams had at first been reluctant to join the Assistant Deans in their Think Great Thoughts aerobics. He later came to enjoy the activity."

Books on running a successful school,

'They've all tested positive for stress.'

"Yeah, but good luck getting it peer-reviewed."

The Milbrook Verney chair in literature. The C.K. Frebish endowment for footnotes.

'I didn't exactly write the article, but...well, I didn't exactly do the research either.'

'I wish you had chosen a more pertinent educational issue than 'Do Dogs Actually Eat Homework?''

Thomas Carlyle