Academic Satire Fans Gifts

"Yeah, but good luck getting it peer-reviewed."

"Professor Williams had at first been reluctant to join the Assistant Deans in their Think Great Thoughts aerobics. He later came to enjoy the activity."

"We'll have to retract that article. On of our co-authors is the night watchman."

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

"I'm going to get you fired."

"Of course I failed you — your essay was original and unique and obviously written by a human."

'I know it's controversial, but my calculations prove beyond doubt that a nod is BETTER than a wink.'

So You've Cloned Yourself

'Welcome! Highly placed, unidentified administration spokespersons convention.'

Chaos Theory Conference.

Books on running a successful school,

'They've all tested positive for stress.'

"As a summation of our work it's pretty accurate...apart from the beginning, middle and end of all the words in between!"

'In future a reg number will suffice, ok.'

"I know I say it in every episode, Carson, but the world is changing and we have to change with it."

Cave College: 'We offer two majors, Hunting and Gathering.'

"I dreamed I was being chased by a giant standardized test."

The Three Doctors.

"This could be a boon to mankind, especially - once we take out a patent on it - the mankind in this laboratory."

"Owww!! Yes, that hurts!"

"They're only dummy home security signs, but I've sharped the edges so they'll cut you like a razor."

'Your evaluation is based on what you do in the next 30 seconds. Go!'

'I was just checking your records, Kleinzweck, and you have a Ph.D.. in pseudoscience!'

'We have to retract that article. One of our co-authors is the night watchman.'

The City of Eden…in Fact - Martin Outside the 'Office' of Chuzzlewit & Co

'C'mon the one with the frilly knickers!'

'Continue to support sex education in the schools if you want to, but Billy just told me that he resulted when your sperm met my omelet.'

"According to these results, I shouldn't have gone to Med School in Grenada."

Research grant for nerve toxin.

The New Normal Literature.

"I never realized how hard my grandparents had it until I learned they had to go to a library to plagiarize things."

'So you created everything...including black holes...which will eventually swallow everything...including you.' 'I'm working on that.'

'The 12 Habits of People Just Barely Holding Their Own.'

"You say your heart was at Harvard but your head was at Yale. Tell me some more about that."