Academic Satire Lover Gifts

'Your condition is being upgraded from a medical journal article to a letter to the editor.'

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

'I was just checking your records, Kleinzweck, and you have a Ph.D.. in pseudoscience!'

'Oi! You looking at my 1/3?'

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

'Simpson! Stop causing low-level disruption in class now!'

Beckett for Beginners: "Waiting for Thumbkin"

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

"Tell me, Frankie, what time is it?"

T.S. Eliot lacks the courage to eat a peach.

Bureaucracy gone mad!

"The principal has sat in on so many of my classes, I'm thinking of giving him the exam."

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

'Upon further review, the pig did not have control of the ball prior to being eaten...'

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

"The physicists doubt it, the chemists want to change it, the psychologists are trying to interpret it and the biologists don't care."

The Modern Damocles -

"It's an interdimensional portal that can facilitate travel across both space and time... but we mostly use it for storage."

'The first person to learn anything leaves immediately!'

"Dad, the dean has gone over your financial statement, and he doesn't think you're working up to your full potential."

The Unknown Philosopher, who first realised life is no picnic.

'If asked, we should all agree that this seminar never happened.'

J.P.Hensmore Superintendent AKA Head Honcho, The Big Guy,The Man, Numero Uno and The Big Cheese.

"Professor Williams had at first been reluctant to join the Assistant Deans in their Think Great Thoughts aerobics. He later came to enjoy the activity."

ENNUI...(smiley face).

"Maybe I will and maybe I won't - You're not prejudiced against transvestites, are you?"

"We'll have to retract that article. On of our co-authors is the night watchman."

Monkey Business College

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs

"Yeah, but good luck getting it peer-reviewed."

'I didn't exactly write the article, but...well, I didn't exactly do the research either.'