Academic Satire Lover Gifts

'Your condition is being upgraded from a medical journal article to a letter to the editor.'

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

'I was just checking your records, Kleinzweck, and you have a Ph.D.. in pseudoscience!'

What Happens in the Cal-Bunker

'Oi! You looking at my 1/3?'

"Professor Kleinzweck got assigned to Viagra research."

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

'Simpson! Stop causing low-level disruption in class now!'

Beckett for Beginners: "Waiting for Thumbkin"

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

"Tell me, Frankie, what time is it?"

T.S. Eliot lacks the courage to eat a peach.

Bureaucracy gone mad!

"The principal has sat in on so many of my classes, I'm thinking of giving him the exam."

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

'Upon further review, the pig did not have control of the ball prior to being eaten...'

"I wanted to deliver a message of hope and tolerance in a complex global society but I decided to update them on the Kardashians instead."

The Notre Dame Five Year Restoration Plan Swing Into Action.

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

'The first person to learn anything leaves immediately!'

The Modern Damocles -

"It's an interdimensional portal that can facilitate travel across both space and time... but we mostly use it for storage."

"The physicists doubt it, the chemists want to change it, the psychologists are trying to interpret it and the biologists don't care."

"Dad, the dean has gone over your financial statement, and he doesn't think you're working up to your full potential."

The Unknown Philosopher, who first realised life is no picnic.

'If asked, we should all agree that this seminar never happened.'

J.P.Hensmore Superintendent AKA Head Honcho, The Big Guy,The Man, Numero Uno and The Big Cheese.

"Maybe I will and maybe I won't - You're not prejudiced against transvestites, are you?"

'Too many students taking Mickey Mouse subjects.'

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs