Family Values Promoter Gifts

To promote family values, I propose we establish a 'marriage-breakup tax!'

"That's Stuart and Vivian Muntner. They're a one-marriage family."

"Gracie, we're rich because we love one another...we have a safe home and we don't go to bed hungry at night."

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

"Winning isn't everything, Josh. Not being the reason your team loses is everything."

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

'Your mom is probably watching. Go for the jugular.'

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

Family traits.

"It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother."

Work Life Balance.

Make love not war

"This is my son...I want him to work his way up all the way from the bottom- even if it takes all day."

'He's trying to see more of his family.'

"And if that day comes, sweetie, just make sure your wedding album is inclusive-looking."

'That's it? Listen to my mom?'

"I told them I was sick of working all hours...and that I intended to stick to my hours and get home to give my son a bath and bedtime book....unfortunately he'd turned into a 26 year old commodities broker while I was in meetings!"

100,000 ! You weren't joking about wanting a big family '.

'Look, I agree that you deserve the same salary as your male counterparts, but I have a responsibility to defend the traditional pay structure.'

Archers.

"I like being a kid - it's the ultimate entitlement program."

Yesterday of Minnesota.

"I love the way you make me rethink my commitment to family values."

Marry one wife, get another one free - 'It's our new incentive for marriage.'

'No, this isn't my son, the doctor. This is my other son, the one who didn't make much of himself.'

'He helps keep me focused on what matters most.'

'Now that I'm separated and the kids are gone, I plan to spend a lot more time with the family.'

"Fred Homerson! How are you? How's the wife? The kids? The traditional family values?"

"All I'm saying is that family values are really important to all of us. For example...I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married. You?"

The Faith-Based Family

'Don't be embarrassed to ask for help Dad.'

Leaving family

'I was very upset when I found my son smoking a whole bag of pot by himself... I've always taught him to share.'

"Apathy, mediocrity, flatulence!"

"Am I talent or product?"