Family Values Supporter Gifts

"Guess who's coming to breakfast?"

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

"You're adopted."

'Your mom is probably watching. Go for the jugular.'

Family traits.

"It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother."

"Gracie, we're rich because we love one another...we have a safe home and we don't go to bed hungry at night."

"This is my son...I want him to work his way up all the way from the bottom- even if it takes all day."

"Dad, when I leave high school, I want to get a job and help support the family."

'Technology hasn't saved me any money. I'm now supporting those relatives of mine they replaced.'

'He's trying to put three kids through college.'

"And if that day comes, sweetie, just make sure your wedding album is inclusive-looking."

Thomas was brought up by his extended family

'That's it? Listen to my mom?'

"I owe everything I have today to my parents, my wife, and the bank."

Solidarity with the family

"That's Stuart and Vivian Muntner. They're a one-marriage family."

"They are what keeps me going. You wouldn't believe how expensive it is raising three kids."

"Son, your mother and I, Grandpa Jack, Grandma Kate, Uncle Danny, Aunt Sue, Grandpa Sy, Grandma Jenny, Cousin Rhonda, Tugger, and Sprinkles are gay."

Annual caring for elderly parent marathon.

'As a graduation present my parents ae going to remodel their basement for my home.'

"Sorry, Mom. Sorry, Pop."

Yesterday of Minnesota.

"I love the way you make me rethink my commitment to family values."

Gay adoption

"Okay, so we all agree to support your father's run for office even though his ideas are bats**t crazy."

"I like being a kid - it's the ultimate entitlement program."

Marry one wife, get another one free - 'It's our new incentive for marriage.'

'He helps keep me focused on what matters most.'

Anti-protest laws and the 1st Amendment

"All I'm saying is that family values are really important to all of us. For example...I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married. You?"

The Faith-Based Family

"Fred Homerson! How are you? How's the wife? The kids? The traditional family values?"