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Child driving a toy car

'How do you know I won't shrink if I didn't come with a washing instructions tag?'

"We need to find another fall activity to do with the kids."

'I almost get out the door and then my mom yells...'Don't you know it's February?!' And here I am again...looking like an eskimo.'

'sugar and spice my eye.'

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

'None of the other things had instructions.'

man juggling career, home and children

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

My changing Body: A Guide For New Fathers

'Do you realize that I spend more time out than I do in?'

Kids go to school and mom goes to the psychiatric clinic.

"The idea is to stick art on the refrigerator, not carve it in."

"Wet wipe?"

'I think he's proud of his ability to be in the way in more than one room at a time.'

Reason #149 for making sure the whole family wears seat belts: It helps keep the kids quiet.

Coping during the 6 weeks school holidays.

"Will you turn that TV down? Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

"This baby will hold more than a hundred and twenty-five cubic feet of family rancor."

'No Jennifer! I never head of mad broccoli disease.'

'I'm afraid your child support payments will be quite substantial.'

"No, we're not there yet because your father refuses to ask for directions!"

'Would you like me to have a word with educational psychologist about Julie?'

"The penalty for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law..."

The Queen of Static Electricity: 'Boring Rainy Day Sitting Area.'