Family Time Navigator Gifts

Do you want to go to the dance with me? Wow! I really would like to but it's too late. You have plans? No. So there isn't a problem. My parents are going to chaperone. I see the problem.

Child driving a toy car

'How do you know I won't shrink if I didn't come with a washing instructions tag?'

"We need to find another fall activity to do with the kids."

'I almost get out the door and then my mom yells...'Don't you know it's February?!' And here I am again...looking like an eskimo.'

'sugar and spice my eye.'

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

'None of the other things had instructions.'

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

man juggling career, home and children

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

You can't focus on the cost of raising a child. True. They do have benefits. Mom! The glue spilled into your underwear drawer! Dad! Where's the toilet plunger? Though nothing specific leaps to mind.

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

Coping during the 6 weeks school holidays.

"Wet wipe?"

Reason #149 for making sure the whole family wears seat belts: It helps keep the kids quiet.

Kids go to school and mom goes to the psychiatric clinic.

Mother's Day: 2nd Sunday in May, Others Day: Every day before and after the 2nd Sunday in May.

"The idea is to stick art on the refrigerator, not carve it in."

'I think he's proud of his ability to be in the way in more than one room at a time.'

My changing Body: A Guide For New Fathers

'Do you realize that I spend more time out than I do in?'

"Will you turn that TV down? Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

"Ironically, this all started with a little poke on Facebook."

"This baby will hold more than a hundred and twenty-five cubic feet of family rancor."

'No Jennifer! I never head of mad broccoli disease.'

'I'm afraid your child support payments will be quite substantial.'

"No, we're not there yet because your father refuses to ask for directions!"

The Queen of Static Electricity: 'Boring Rainy Day Sitting Area.'

'Would you like me to have a word with educational psychologist about Julie?'