Family Mealtime Navigator T-Shirts

Baldo's Life is Sweet Moment: Not getting the last serving of your tia's lengua casserole.

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

Child driving a toy car

"Be sure and eat your frozen vegetables."

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

'sugar and spice my eye.'

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

'None of the other things had instructions.'

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

"No arguing mister! I want you to eat at least one pea!"

My changing Body: A Guide For New Fathers

"This baby will hold more than a hundred and twenty-five cubic feet of family rancor."

"Wet wipe?"

'I think he's proud of his ability to be in the way in more than one room at a time.'

'Do you realize that I spend more time out than I do in?'

Kids go to school and mom goes to the psychiatric clinic.

"I am listening to my body. My body says yuk!"

"Will you turn that TV down? Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

'I'm afraid your child support payments will be quite substantial.'

"No, we're not there yet because your father refuses to ask for directions!"

The Queen of Static Electricity: 'Boring Rainy Day Sitting Area.'

'Eddie's mom has nerves of steel. She didn't send me home 'til almost four.'

'Would you like me to have a word with educational psychologist about Julie?'

"Mummy's a bit grisly in the mornings. But after something to eat and a little nap, she's quite pleasant."

"I don't know why she got so mad. I had an excuse based on a true story."

"And the lovely, little daughter understood her daddy was tired from harvesting people's personal data all day and went to sleep. The end."

"I thought we talked about this."

"I'm afraid you suffer from 'Teen Traumatic Stress Disorder.' Once your kids grow up, it'll go away."

'Of course, if your father was any kind of provider, we'd be eating fresh salmon for breakfast!'