Family Meal Strategist T-Shirts

'Funny you should say you've given up finishing your kids' food off - I've resolved to live entirely off what mine leave.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

A woman standing beside a stove full of steaming pots and pans.

Chez Nous Menu

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

'I'm worried about him, he eats his vegetables, but not his dessert!'

I figured out how we can pay for the kids' college tuitions. Do tell. I'm going to leave for a year of self-discovery, which I will chronicle in a best-selling memoir. Oh, but

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

"Be sure and eat your frozen vegetables."

'Men order. . . women shop.'

'Thanksgiving's no holiday for turkeys or the women who cook them.'

"No thanks, I brought my lunch."

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

Making healthy substitutions at mealtime

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

"I recommend number five if you have only $20 so that you can still leave a tip."

A man and baby wearing bibs

"When it comes to turkeys, Mom, you sure know your stuff-ing."

'A hacker broke into our computer and, in an act of human kindness, deleted your mother's recipe for peppers and meat loaf.'

'We can't move in with my parents - they've moved in with grandma!'

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'

"Ok, Griffin — let him see Mom’s roast!"

By teaching the parrot a few key phrases, Marilyn no longer needs to nag her kids.

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

"All good things must come to an end...unless I use both of my giant-size super-pots."

"You're close, but you're not the record. The record for one family in one booth—all from out of state, each ordering a complete breakfast—was set in 1978, with fifteen."

'If you're happy to demand feed we'll get along just fine.'

"Mum, why can't we just have a normal Sunday roast like other families?"

"Mother will never be able to rest on her laurels. If they're green, she'll cook them."

Non-wall St merger: Mom's Home Cooking...Pop's Cafe!

"Mom told me to make my vegetables disapear."

"I mean, he does have a point."

"The chef recommends the most expensive dish on the menu."