Family Ties Appreciator Pillows

"I can't believe Tia Carmen is working in our cafeteria! This bites! How can she do this to me?"

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

celebrating a birth.

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

'As a token of friendship we present to you this sacred albino fawn.' 'We sailed all the way across the Atlantic Ocean, and all you have is light deer?!'

And when we came home, the entire anthill was gone... It was awful, Mom - but at least Harry and I still have each other...

"Dad, will you play judge and tell me if Raymond or Joey is the father of my baby doll?"

"I'm stuffed. But in a good way."

'Ted, isn't it about time you sorted out your deer-gut?'

"Bah! in my day bands knew how to play their computers properly. Like Kraftwerk"

"Mom...There's nothing to do..."

'I've turned into my mother.'

"Look, Mommy. Puppy already knows a trick! What should we call him?" "How about 'Scooter.'"

'I already had one bath today! You want my skin to wear out?'

'I've been disrespectful again, Dad.'

'Hey, scratch my back and I'll scratch your back.'

"Finally, it's Spring! I missed you! Let's go and play!"

A Mom and Pop Operation

'You haven't changed a bit Perkins.'

'Thank you, my dear, for taking the runt of my litter in holy matrimony...'

'Creative right?'

"I'm sorry, Dad. What I did was really stupid, selfish and wrong."

'Look what my son gave me!'

'You guys are real friends!'

'Fish or chicken?' - Pilot has the choice of 2 types of airline food at home.

'Any chance of getting a financial advance on my loose tooth?'

The Battle of Life - Part the First

McHappy

"I married a girl with two mums and ended up with two mothers-in-law."

"OK, class, for Hispanic Heritage Month, I want you draw a Latino hero."

"Mom, Dad, am I adopted?"

"I'm thankful I get a 4 day school holiday for Thanksgiving."

"My mom has a new boyfriend, my dad has a new girlfriend and all I got was a new therapist."

'Come on, I did it for you...'