Family Hero Appreciator Pillows

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

celebrating a birth.

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

"Can I multi-task? As a single mom I'm both the bread-winner and bread-baker!"

Miracle Mom #5,293

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

Look on the bright side...they'll probably name a disease after you.

'This is a personal insult to me and my family. Paulie, word is you regifted that horse's head I gave you last month. . .'

"Bah! in my day bands knew how to play their computers properly. Like Kraftwerk"

Dad's home

"Mom...There's nothing to do..."

"Look, Mommy. Puppy already knows a trick! What should we call him?" "How about 'Scooter.'"

Coronavirus

'I've been disrespectful again, Dad.'

Thank You to Vaccinators

"Kosovo, Iraq, Afghanistan...Sarge Higgins is one hell of a tough guy! But he wouldn't have a chance against my mom - she raised three kids!"

'I already had one bath today! You want my skin to wear out?'

"I just want you to known. . .No matter what happens. . . I'll always love you Betty."

'Any chance of getting a financial advance on my loose tooth?'

Three shots - one franc.

"I married a girl with two mums and ended up with two mothers-in-law."

"I can't believe Tia Carmen is working in our cafeteria! This bites! How can she do this to me?"

"Nothing like taking a few weeks off to spend time with the kids Eh!"

"Mom, Dad, am I adopted?"

'In a surprise move today, the Kennedy family applied for statehood.'

'Don't bother your father. Let him enjoy his Father's Day.'

'I'm afraid I have some bad news.'

Fear

The Faith-Based Family

'Well, my Dad doesn't care how big you are, Mr. Jones. He'll still knock your block off!'

'My father and mother never argue. My father doesn't live here.'

"Gosh grandma, you must be over a million in dog years!"