Family Story Expert T-Shirts

"Who called who never calls" "What's in the freezer? It's half a loaf of rye bread" "Fun quiz! When are you getting married? Page 12." "Top ten pieces of furniture to wrap in plastic"

"Feel free to take notes."

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

"Just kick back and enjoy this. These are the nest years of our lives!"

'It's really more of a family forest than a family tree.'

True confessions.

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

The Family Joules: Part 21

Biggles has a more staid adventure.

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

Children's Party

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

"When I was young my parents couldn't afford to give me too much, too soon."

"No, son, you’re not ‘M for Mature.’"

'Riley, I think it's time you learned the truth... You're adopted.'

"Oh, she talk a lot...but only about her children."

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

'You were a band geek?! Maybe Max will play an instrument!'

Wyatt returns home to visit his old small town.

"We're not laughing at you, sweetie. We're laughing at something you don't understand."

'Well, isn't this nice? Three generations all sitting down together.'

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

"See those birch trees on the other side of the pond? That’s the exact spot where your mother first called me an idiot."

'It is a big day! Ten years ago, yout dad joined the union!'

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

"But our history was current events when you were at school Dad!"

"Grandpa, how did you ever survive without apps?"

'Grandpa, what was manufacturing?'

Not-so-easy listening...

'If I want to live happily ever after, grandma, do I have to marry a princess?'

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

Brilliance runs in my family, but in a zig-zag pattern.

"Oh I remember, it was a particularly cold day and your daddy whispered sweet nothings in my ear. It gave me such a warm feeling inside that I knew he was the one!"

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

'It's a horror-comedy.'