Family Stability Seeker T-Shirts

"I've decided to move back in with my parents."

"A wage increase to match inflation."

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

Medical student overdrafts...careers in the law.

Separation Anxiety

Do you mind if my mother joins our little business dinner ? You know what it's like, I don't want people from the office to think I'm sleeping my way to the top.

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

"Relax, grandpa. The quarterback is taking a knee to run out the clock."

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

'Having the money tree has really helped out.'

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

A Balanced budget.

'It's so incredible, getting to discover the little bundle of magic hidden inside.'

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

"I love spending time together as a family. It brings us together. It makes us stronger. It helps us understand each other."

'Your wife doesn't understand you. . .'

"Despite my best efforts, you're still the man and I'm still the woman."

'You're always taking the fun out of everything!'

"Everybody in the whole damn household is alpha."

The Cricket on the Hearth - Title-page to the first edition

Looks like I do dishes again.

Magic Carpet Cleaning

Blanket Pull

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.'

'Strategic plan B: we chop down all the office plants and grow vegetables.'

"Even after all these years, I still find it very exciting using my vote to cancel out your father's."

Theirs and Theirs

'Do you, Edward, promise to play second fiddle and also pay the piper?'

"And just like that, Greg's snoring stopped..."

'Let's at least give the parabolic mattress a try - the Thompsons swear it saved their marriage.'

He's our most reliable researcher...highly stable and chemically inert.

"I investigated your husband, Mrs Adams. He isn't cheating on you. In fact, I'm your husband. We've just really lost touch recently."

"Oh, great. ... My Aunt Donna is now on Facebook!"

Plumbing Co - we repair what your husband fixed.

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'