Family Harmony Seeker T-Shirts

The Big Book of Parent-Child Fights

Following an especially difficult divorce.

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.'

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

"In my opinion, nothing promotes family harmony like caller I.D."

"I love spending time together as a family. It brings us together. It makes us stronger. It helps us understand each other."

"Go to work, I'll find out why Mom is agitated."

He's going through that rebellious stage.

'You told me to put away the groceries.'

"I agree! This is a free country! You can do whatever you want! As long as it's not against the law...you don't get hurt...you can afford it...and it doesn't insult the entire Bermudez family tree."

"Dismantle the man cave and put the cushions back. . . my parents are here."

"It's like a metal detector, but it detects phones. I want your undivided attention at dinner tonight."

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

Musical Accompaniment to Household Chores.

'Davinia! Your Feng Shui person's here.'

"Well, your feng shui isn't my feng shui."

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

Separation Anxiety

Do you mind if my mother joins our little business dinner ? You know what it's like, I don't want people from the office to think I'm sleeping my way to the top.

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

"Relax, grandpa. The quarterback is taking a knee to run out the clock."

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

A woman's work is never done!

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

'Your wife doesn't understand you. . .'

"Despite my best efforts, you're still the man and I'm still the woman."

'You're always taking the fun out of everything!'

Looks like I do dishes again.

The Cricket on the Hearth - Title-page to the first edition

'My Graham is very house-proud.'

Magic Carpet Cleaning

"Everybody in the whole damn household is alpha."

'Will these glasses help him see things my way?'

Blanket Pull