Household Harmony Seekers T-Shirts

"Everybody in the whole damn household is alpha."

"I know it's summer, and you'd rather be at the beach...but I've got to finish the ironing!"

Musical Accompaniment to Household Chores.

'Davinia! Your Feng Shui person's here.'

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

"Well, your feng shui isn't my feng shui."

Separation Anxiety

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

"I'm going to be vacuuming, if you want to go into the farthest room and start asking me questions."

"Relax, grandpa. The quarterback is taking a knee to run out the clock."

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

A woman's work is never done!

Ever wonder why we debated what color fridge to buy?

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

"I love spending time together as a family. It brings us together. It makes us stronger. It helps us understand each other."

'Your wife doesn't understand you. . .'

"Despite my best efforts, you're still the man and I'm still the woman."

'You're always taking the fun out of everything!'

"It's your turn to throw out the dishes."

The Cricket on the Hearth - Title-page to the first edition

'My Graham is very house-proud.'

Looks like I do dishes again.

Magic Carpet Cleaning

Blanket Pull

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.'

'No madam, the seat does not keep falling down, to the annoyance of male users, would you like one that does?'

'Wait, put that back where it was. Let's see how the scratching post looks in this corner.'

"I investigated your husband, Mrs Adams. He isn't cheating on you. In fact, I'm your husband. We've just really lost touch recently."

'Let's at least give the parabolic mattress a try - the Thompsons swear it saved their marriage.'

"I apologize for the mess."

'Do you, Edward, promise to play second fiddle and also pay the piper?'

"Honey, please! I can’t concentrate with you in there being married to me!"

"And just like that, Greg's snoring stopped..."

"Even after all these years, I still find it very exciting using my vote to cancel out your father's."