Family Harmony Seekers T-Shirts

"Relax, grandpa. The quarterback is taking a knee to run out the clock."

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

Musical Accompaniment to Household Chores.

'Davinia! Your Feng Shui person's here.'

"Well, your feng shui isn't my feng shui."

Separation Anxiety

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

Do you mind if my mother joins our little business dinner ? You know what it's like, I don't want people from the office to think I'm sleeping my way to the top.

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

A woman's work is never done!

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

"I love spending time together as a family. It brings us together. It makes us stronger. It helps us understand each other."

'Your wife doesn't understand you. . .'

"Despite my best efforts, you're still the man and I'm still the woman."

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

Looks like I do dishes again.

Magic Carpet Cleaning

'You're always taking the fun out of everything!'

'My Graham is very house-proud.'

"Everybody in the whole damn household is alpha."

The Cricket on the Hearth - Title-page to the first edition

'Will these glasses help him see things my way?'

Blanket Pull

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.'

"Even after all these years, I still find it very exciting using my vote to cancel out your father's."

"Roommates"

"Honey, please! I can’t concentrate with you in there being married to me!"

'Let's at least give the parabolic mattress a try - the Thompsons swear it saved their marriage.'

"You go right on snoring, doesn’t bother me one bit. Your snores are beautiful, do you know that? I love snoring…not like some people."

"I apologize for the mess."

My mum is very houseproud.

Theirs and Theirs

"And just like that, Greg's snoring stopped..."

'Wait, put that back where it was. Let's see how the scratching post looks in this corner.'